zYX's Weigh In
by zYX/a51


I'm not a fat bastard yet but I'm starting to notice that as 
the months go by my gut is getting wider and I've developed a 
slight overhang over the trousers. So in the interests of being 
too tight (ahem!) to buy bigger jeans and for the advance of 
future medical science I've decided to try and amend my eating 
habits for the better.

Someone suggested to me the other day that I should go to 
Weightwatchers if I was serious about losing some pounds. 
Damn right I would lose some pounds if I went there! Whats 
the point of paying some other bastard for the privilage of 
you not eating!?

By coincedence as I'm doing this they are running stories on 
the national news about us becoming an obese society in the 
UK. They are reporting it like it's some sort of shock 
revelation but you can't honestly entertain the notion that 
it's a total surprise that we are turning into bloaters.

For starters there is a McDonalds or Burger King on every corner. 
But, to be fair, we can't really blame them for us buying their 
product. If we want to waddle in, squeeze our fat stomachs through 
the doors and eat a load of vaguely meat flavoured crap then it's 
our own fault.

So, with good intentions, I strolled into Sainsbury's and up to 
the self service salad counter. I reached for a medium sized 
plastic container and feasted my eyes down on the selection of 
fresh produce.... Which consisted of chopped lettuce, grapefruit 
and fuck all else! Now considering this was a weekday at about 
2pm in the afternoon you would have expected slightly more choice.

Take another example. It's about 8pm on a Sunday evening, you 
haven't eaten, theres no food in the house and you want to go 
grab a healthy meal. Forget the supermarkets because they'll 
be shut due to laws dictating to them when they can open. But 
every fast food resturant for miles will probably be open 
until midnight. So where's the healthy option?

Despite the odds I'm going to try and change my eating habits. 
My current regime is getting up in the morning and having a 
yogurt for breakfast. Which is a bit of a bastard because I've 
not quite got the knack of opening a Muller Lite without the 
fucking thing spurting out on me as I peel back the lid!

Mid morning snack is usually a banana. Mmmmmmmm.... Can you feel 
the vitamins. It's much better than a bacon sandwich. Except 
I'm fucking starving that's all.

Wow! Where did the morning go? It's almost lunchtime and I'm 
looking forward to a dry, scabby old sandwich. I know, I know 
I'm ungrateful. What about the millions of starving people in 
the world? Well, they would probably stare at you as if you 
were taking the piss if you offered them it as well.

In the evening I just think fuck it. I'm going to have one 
decent meal today and usually have something normal. But that's 
it, nothing else for the night.

So far I've kept this up for almost a week so I'll do an update 
next time if I manage to last out.

Sorry if I came across as fat-ist during this article. I'm not 
as overweight as some chubby bastards you see! Sorry, couldn't resist!


[alan@a51.org.uk - http://www.a51.org.uk]